4.14.2023

loss for words

We turned Cierra and her two and a half day old filly out for the first time in the indoor arena. To say it was entertaining would be an understatement. I have many fun action photos to share with you in future posts.

What transpired made me so emotional. There really is no way to describe what happened. I couldn't even talk about the filly without tears welling up in my eyes.


4/12/23

The best way to share what happened is through general dialogue.

While the filly was running around the arena discovering movement, 
I asked Brad "have you thought about what you are going to name the filly?"

Brad: "I don't know. What are you going to name your filly"

Me: "What did you just say?"

Brad: 
"I said, I don't know what are you going to name your filly"

Me: "WHAT?!"

Brad: "The filly is yours. I want you to have her.

Me: "No, I cannot let you do that"

Brad: "Yes, you can. You are her owner, and if you don't take her your son is going to name her Phyllis" (inside joke)

Me:
"NO!! Not happening" "This is YOUR dream. I cannot let you just give me your filly."

More words back-n-forth. "
How about we compromise and co-own the filly?"

Brad: "
Nope. She is your horse. I want you to experience what I have with Cierra. Beside, I have the original model"


Cierra & Brad
4/12/23

Son enters the arena.

"Hi, Mom!" "What did you decide to name your filly?" Big smile on his face. "How about Phyllis"

The "Yes and NO" continued back in forth between Brad and I for well into the next day.

There isn't much that renders me speechless. But this did. I was at a loss for words.



We headed back to the house. Brad is outside grilling. Another filly conversation strikes up.

Son: "Mom, why don't you want the filly"

Me: "Raising and training Cierra's filly is dad's dream. Besides, what am I going to do with a filly?" 

Son: "Mom, he has been planning to give you Cierra's baby for months. It 
means everything to him for you to own this filly"

Me: "He has...? Soooo, you think I should let him give her to me?"

Son: "Yes, mom"



I tried every kind of reasoning to change Brad's mind. Thinking and saying, it is not fair to the horse. She deserves better. Once again, what am I going to do with a filly? It is your dream etc. 

I think what I need is an old steady reliable mount. He disagrees. He thinks this filly is exactly what I need. 
In his words "you are both sassy and will get along just fine"


2.5 days old

Brad said, he wanted me to have the filly after what I have gone through the past 5-6 months. His plan was to write me a letter from the filly (sniff, sniff) and give it to me on our anniversary later this month. He couldn't quite get what he wanted to say on paper just right. Instead, he said what he wanted to say in person when it felt right.

Let me tell you, it was both special and right. We were in the indoor with cowboy music softly playing, watching Cierra and her filly. The miracle of life. He gifted me his filly and I am still in disbelief.


I started to accept the fact that I was not going to change Brad's mind. No clue what I did to deserve such love, not to mention a beautiful filly. He explained how giving me the filly just made his dream much bigger. That we will work with her together. I said I would accept his incredible gift on one two conditions. That he train and show her. In reality, he has to train me too. So, I guess that is more like three conditions. Ha ha!

Yesterday, I read him a short list of barn names. None of them seemed to fit. I said "what I really wanted to name the filly is Hope". We had another one of "those moments". Part of Brad's letter from the filly was to include something about "giving me a little hope". Well, that is exactly what he did. Guess you had to be there. There is significance in the word with people I encountered named Hope during my recent journey. During one of the most difficult times in our lives. I kept saying "there is that word again" and, here is Hope. Again.



Hope

Side note; I am fine now. Not looking for sympathy. I am happy to share my personal story if you want to know what transpired via email, just not publicly. Shout out to Val, for being such a great friend.

What do you say when someone shares their dream and gives you Hope?



2.5 days old


Wednesday was an experience I will never forget. My heart is overflowing and surrounded by hope.

To quote a line in one of my favorite country songs (Austin) "what a love that must be". 

10 comments:

Val Ewing said...

My Hope came in the form of a 15 hand green broke mule named Badger. We bonded, we became the best of friends who could read each other's minds.
It now rests in a mule called Sunshine from my old mare...

So yes, this is perfect for you. Something for you to look forward to with so much joy and happiness each day. A filly that will test you, bond with you, and struggle with you. You will learn together.
Perfect my friend indeed.

Brad is perfect too. I may refer to her as Phyllis just to get your goat!

This made me choke up!

aurora said...

Thanks Val. Really, for everything.

All that dialogue (and much more) was choked out between flowing tears. Even while writing this post.

Badger <3

aurora said...

Oh, and you can call the filly Phyllis. My son definitely will.

No offense to anyone with/related to that name. We asked him why Phyllis. He said he thinks it's cool when babies have older generation names. I said, you know they grow up right? Lol.

That spunky monkey is going to get called a lot of names. I am not sure if the name Hope fits her, but I took "that moment" Brad and I shared as a sure sign.

Barn names are subject to change. For now, she is definitely Hope.

Linda said...

I’m crying for you right now. That is the most beautiful story. You are surrounded by love, and Hope. What a precious gift, Aurora.

I don’t know what you’ve been going through, though I do hope you share it with me.

Hope, hope—it is one of my favorite words. There was one period in my life when I was almost completely without it, and other times when the reserves of hope were very low. There is no life without Hope. It is a beautiful name for your beautiful girl!

Oh man! I can’t wait to watch this filly make you fall more and more and more in love with her! ❤️ Thank you to Brad for giving you such a deeply personal, priceless gift.



Shirley said...

Literally in tears here, what a beautiful post!
Maybe you could incorporate Hope in her registered name? I always prefer to draw my barn names from their registered name if possible.
Marriage is all about sharing hopes and dreams (there's that word again!) and sometimes they even become reality. What a special moment for you and Brad.
So many times we start our sentences with "I hope" . It's a powerful word, full of dreams. longings and possibilities. It is also one of the Theological Virtues, the others being Faith and Charity.
Owning a foal is a journey, may you enjoy every moment of yours!

aurora said...

Thank you both, for sharing and understanding the significance. Your heartfelt responses truly mean a lot to me <3

Linda, I will absolutely share with you.

I like your naming strategy Shirley!

One of the name options I had for Hope was the word in Spanish "Esperanza". However few around me would be able to pronounce this. Her name would always be mispronounced and require explanations. We already have that going on with Padame.

Plus, I was raised to pronounce "z" as a "th" sound in Spanish. Depends on where you are from. Most pronoun "z" as "sa". I shortened Esperanza to Espi, but meh. I am sticking with Hope :)

Far Side of Fifty said...

How wonderful! What a gift from Brads heart to yours and I think Hope is a beautiful name. Life is hard sometimes, everyone on their own journey it seems so it is wonderful when someone stops to do something so kind and meaningful.
Spend lots of time with your Hope and take lots of photos!

threecollie said...

So sweet and beautiful...I hope things turn for the better for you and that happiness and hope continue.

Grey Horse Matters said...

A gift from the heart is something to be treasured. Brad is a special guy. Everyday your little one will give you pleasure and meaning. I’m sorry you’ve been going through a rough time lately but there’s sunshine at the end of the tunnel and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is full of “hope”. Enjoy your time together with Hope and Brad!

TeresaA said...

What a beautiful gift. Love and Hope coming together.
Congratulations (also, Phyllis is a good name too😁)