hearts

During the month of August, I kept seeing hearts. I rarely find heart shaped things in nature. I can't help but wonder, why. So many, close together and at this particular time.

heart shape mushroom on our bug path
August 12, 2021

I was floating both my mind and body, when I glanced over the pool edge and saw a tiny heart on the patio. Just a short distance from my cowgirl pool. I instantly got out of the pool, and picked the rock up.

The odd thing about this little heart is, when I picked it up I could no longer see a heart. I rolled it around in my fingers, turning it around. Where did the heart shape go? I looked hard. It had a bump and did not vaguely look like a heart. I placed the rock back down, and once again it looked like a heart. Hmmm. I did this twice, same result. I shrugged my shoulders, left the heart where I found it and got back in the pool to finish soaking up thoughts. 

a tiny rock heart
August 17, 2021

A couple days later I found another rock heart on our patio. This one was significantly larger and caught my eye while walking past our basement windows. I picked it up, same thing. If I held it, I could no longer see a heart.

I still don't understand.

rock heart
August 19, 2021

Today, I googled "what does it mean if you keep seeing hearts". I read the first search result, of which I am sure there are many. The reasons listed that could most likely apply to me are:

Someone is Watching Over You, which is possible. You have a Need of Love and Caring, very true when a person is going through something difficult. Also Spiritual Awakening, as in realizing what is really important in life. 

I will never really know.

heart cloud over our barn
August 29, 2021

Thank you to those who reached out.
Those who asked and listen/ed, and are still listening.

I heart you.

sequire adelante

I made it through the hardest Summer of my life. Barely. September was even harder. So if my photography/blog seemed dark at times, it was. Art is a reflection of the mind. My loss is very deep and uniquely personal. I am healing and learning to live with it. Not looking for sympathy or condolences, and am choosing not to participate in Social Media hoopla. I am only telling key friends in person, when the time is right. However, I feel a need to be transparent. With you, my longtime dear blogger friends. Who would have no way of otherwise knowing, that there is a reason things may seem different. That I seem different. I am. I have been profoundly changed forever. By circumstances out of my control.

I've been feeling much like the leaves I shared on Sunday Stills #20 . That photo was a cropped version of the one below. No photoshop wizardry was used. I tell viewers if I ever do major edits, which is just about never. This darker view is looking into our pine woods. Look at the leaves. I mean REALLY look at the leaves, and the photo overall. It tells a story, about life.

In addition to my personal loss, I was surprised to find out that pancreatic cancer took a photography friend (younger than me) this Summer. Our busy paths took us in different directions. We never got to shoot together, with our matching equipment & similar love of nature.

A younger horse friend is about to have a double mastectomy, to hopefully stop the big C. Another horse friend is in remission from no less than 3 different rounds and types of cancer. I've recently enjoyed treasured time with both of them.

There are a lot of life lessons to embrace from these three incredibly strong and wonderful women. As well as my hero. My beloved mom. Who raised me as a single parent in a country foreign to her, before it was the norm.

This is easily my favorite photo of us:

Me at 29 & my mom Aurora (the 2nd) at age 59

(photo of a photo, with discoloration & specks)

Let's just say, the transition from Summer into Fall has been transformative. I've re/connected with caring friends, while others will forever remain as acquaintances. Even when I thought they were more than that. When life gets hard, you find out who your people are.

I still have two of my most important humans on this earth, who truly love and understand me. My husband and my son. Thank god for my guys!! This world would be a very very lonely place with out them. Especially Brad. He knows me better than anyone else, and after all these years still chooses to spend his life with me. I have no idea how he puts up with my crazy, but I sure am thankful he does.

These are the very same leaves as the photo above, looking out of our pine woods. A much different view and feel. It also tells a story.

All we can do is Seguire Adelante (continue forward) and I am. It won't be easy, without the one person that has loved me unconditionally and been there for me my entire life. Even in her frail condition. Even as she made her way out of this world. Always and forever.

my mom's sky the day she took her last breath

(the Milky Way view, from our property)

~ ~ ~

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

~ Robert Frost

~ ~ ~

Public comments on this post have been turned off. With personal reflection, I prefer to connect one on one. If you ever find yourself in a place where sharing a meaningful conversation about a topic no one ever wants to discuss would be helpful, I am more than willing. 

a shimmering performance

I looked across our valley and tried to figure out what I was seeing. I was stunned! There were hundreds and hundreds of fast flying creatures zooming around the fields and pastures, shimmering in the early evening sunlight. The flying phenomenon stopped me in my tracks. Were they lightening bugs? I took a short video, and then walked down to the field for a closer look. 

best viewed while looking over by the fence
lower part of the dark pines
(13 sec)

After I figured out what was dancing before my eyes, I hustled back to the house to grab my camera. That caught Brad's attention. He came outside to see what was going on "are those all Hummers?" 

I was like a kid in a candy store! Natures show lasted around 10-15 minutes, then poof!! They were gone. Capturing the ever changing super fast magical shimmer performance of the Green Darner Dragonfly, was one of the hardest things I've attempted to photograph. What an incredible experience!! 

mystical shimmering
(enlarge to see one dragonfly, middle far right)

"The common, huge green or blue dragonfly most often seen in heavy numbers during late summer and fall, the green darner is known as one of our few migrating insects. Large hatches may occur simultaneously during August, with tens of thousands of insects moving south along with monarchs into fall."

9/3/21

Sometimes you get an unexpected uplifting surprise, when you need it the most.  

natures compositions

Something has become very apparent to me this Summer, Nature's compositions.

I wish I could stop and study them, there are no doubt lessons to be learned. However, these days it's click and go before the mosquitoes/flies carry you away -or- the dogs (better said dog, cough cough, Jameson) attempt to sneak off our property. Not to mention between my non-stop watery allergy eyes and humidity induced sweat, it is best to keep going. So, I do. But not before a quick phone shot of what catches my eye, that nature so eloquently created. The woods are very quiet these days, not much is changing. Or is it?

Notice the placement. Colors. Different textures. The light!! The combination of elements. How things landed. Together, or not. It all makes me wonder...

July 14-15

fancy like

there are skulls among us

August 12

I was so thrilled to find just one of these in July

who knew Golf Balls commonly grow everywhere here in August

natures diorama has a little bit of everything

August 13

August 18


screenshot :/

(accidentally took 1 sec video, too bad this stopped me in my tracks)

August 19

August 21

August 29

the moon is not always in the sky

size (and color) of a pencil eraser

August 30

perhaps my favorite Summer nature composition

the huge steel blue leaf was stunning in person

None of these compositions/photos were staged or altered. I did crop a few shots, most are as taken. My shots are not all that, but nature sure is. It has much to teach us about life. No need to move things around, add photo effects or change values. Nature alters everything, all on its own...

it must have rained onions

This morning I found the most peculiar thing on what has become my daily walk.

a dog growing in my raised beds

I found something more peculiar than Tank waiting for me in his new spot. Actually, he is waiting for cherry tomatoes. Silly boy! 

I found something on the mowed path that has our large hay field on one side and the Y path woods on the other. It wasn't there yesterday, and is not near a road... 

a smaller yellow onion

It is about half the size of my fist. No teeth or claw marks. The onion skin is completely attached and unmarked. It is clean with no roots, most likely store bought. 

Can you explain where this onion came from? Because I can't. Clearly it must have rained onions.

perpetual excitement

Disclaimer; this post has absolutely nothing to do with equine, and everything to do with art.

My art background goes back a loong way. I have always loved all forms of art. Some of my first memories related to art are of my third grade flamboyant art teacher. She wore flowing bright colors with her hair up in a thick bee hive. Always encouraging the many "I can't do it" students, like me. She would walk in between the desks and if she heard "I can't do it" encouraged art efforts by loudly saying over and over "you CAN, you CAN, never say you can't, you CAN!!". Obviously, it stuck in my head.

In middle school, I had another amazing dedicated art teacher. By this age, art was an elective. My favorite and final project (the only one I remember) the teacher cut large profiles of whatever artist students chose to learn about. We prepped the wood, researched the artist and wrote a short report on them. Of course there was a classroom art show. The artist profiles were everywhere wrapped around the room. The biggest challenge was painting in the chosen artists style. I chose Salvador Dali. I loved his warped clocks, and he was from Spain where my family is from. My mom kept my Dali for many years. Eventually she needed to downsize, and I didn't want him. He was huge. Sadly, I don't think I even have a photo of it.

I was fortunate to have more supportive art mentors in high school and college, and enjoyed dabbling in many kinds of art. I love drawing best, even if I am not a natural at it.
 

I am a firm believer that art is 90% practice and 10% talent.

Over the years, kids, work and life filled my time and doing any kind of art became wishful thinking. And clutter. My art easel and other college art stuff moved with me from place to place, collecting dust. Including an air compressor, and air brushing tools. I took the more practical and employable commercial route and became a Graphic (and eventually Web) Designer for many years. The field evolved and it became 100% computer work. You wouldn't believe how it was done back in the day! There is little creative and a lot of busy business type work, and babysitting. Lots and lots of babysitting adults. It all suited me well, but thankfully those days are all but over. 

An ad for a Perpetual Phenology Journal came across my feed and caught my eye. I had no clue what Phenology was. Shortly after another blogger (Far Side) mentioned similar. It was as if someone was trying to tell me something. I watched a video, read up on the concept and decided to give it a try. If interested, google it. There is gobs of related info online.

Phenology is "the study of cyclic and seasonal natural phenomena, especially in relation to climate and plant and animal life" in other words, taking note of what you observe in nature.

Decisions need to be made on how/often you want to revisit what you observe. For me, the perpetual part of my journal allows me flexibility within a month. I made 6 two page monthly spreads that represent a year. Some people date their journals daily or "week of" but calendar dates change every year. I wanted to eliminate pressure and be able to draw when motivated.

I chose a 6" x 8" journal with blank water color paper
80 double page spreads will last me forever

I think you all know by now I am a procrastinator. Sometimes even I surprise myself. Just like my third grade teacher said, I CAN do it!! I have not drawn anything since college. Starting over isn't going to be pretty. I hope know I will see improvement the more I draw and clear the cobwebs. I quickly found out my brain has all but forgotten how to distinguish shapes relationship to each other, and then transferring those observations on paper. It is 'um hard. Erasers are my friend. Regardless, I am super excited to re-learn and be drawing again!! The habit most likely won't last, but I consider drawing even once a win. Maybe my journal will morph into something else?

My graphite and colored pencils from college are still good. A few additional nature-ish colors would inspire me. So I found a coupon, picked out some new colored pencil shades, a couple Micron ink pens and couldn't leave this behind:

mini watercolor set
(was surprised that I love the water brush!)

Most Perpetual Phenology Journals are done in ink and water color. Both scare me, but I am willing to try. Again. For now I am drawing in pencil, coloring in pencil and highlighting in ink. I tried my mini portable water colors on my monthly fun color labels, to get a feel for the brush.

I used random colors for each page



my first drawing was Sydneys snow drops

It got kind of mucky. I've always struggled with over working my drawings, in my feeble attempt to be "perfect". Wow, water droplets are hard to draw. I'm planning to add some white gel highlights on the droplets and flower. I have to get back to the craft store, my white pen dried up. They sure don't last long, even in a ziplock.

My second day of drawing was a crow feather, from the crow encounter. I love feathers, and plan to draw many of my fine feather finds.

our first blue bird nest
in one of the two nesting boxes Brad (and Tank) made for me

My third day of drawing was extra humbling. Perspective is hard for me to draw. I also screwed up the interior of the nesting box. Sigh.

The sky is the limit on phenology journals. From the media used to the paper (many journals are homemade, even the paper) there are phenology wheels, specific types of nature/ways to study and absolutely endless approaches.

Phenology drawings are suppose to be done in the field. I might do some, or at least sit outside in "my spot" and draw from reference among the pines. Field drawing makes it more daunting for me. How does anyone draw a bird in the field, when they barely stay still long enough for a camera click? In my opinion, you make it your own. For now, I am using photos as ref and doing my journal my way. However you do it, is right for you. Don't feel the need to compliment or critique my drawing efforts. I am all too aware of my (lack of) drawing skills. My goal was to start. Check!! I had to blog about starting my journal, since I actually did it ~ ha ha! Maybe it will even motive someone to get outside and enjoy natures benefits in whatever way.

Looking forward to seeing where this drawing path leads me. I think it will be fun to figure out the monthly layers of drawing in future years, and see what changes. In nature, and in me. I CAN do it!

land of projects

I have never been more thankful for my two and four legged family during this strange time we find ourselves living in, and extra thankful to be caring for our own land. Thought I would share some projects (unrelated to horses, horse update to come) that have been keeping us busy.

One of the most challenging, was dismantling two large garden beds at our previous home. Our son who is renting/buying, has zero interest in gardening. The past couple years we made trips back to do weeding, but it wasn't enough to maintain them. The weeds won and my beloved garden beds became an eye sore. It was time for them to go. We pulled gazillions of the hardier remaining perennials & bulbs, moved boulders, pulled and sprayed weeds, tilled and eventually replanted the areas with grass. 

Every weekend for a couple months, I would bring multiple buckets and bags filled with daffodills, iris, daylilies, clematis, bleeding heart, sedum, peony etc to transplant onto our property. Originally I wasn't going to plant any perennials here, but I just couldn't leave 20 years of treasured faithful blooms to die. At least now they have a chance, plus I had existing garden space to fill. 

You may recall Brad had built a long raised bed on one side of the barn last summer. I also ended up with a couple smaller garden areas next to the house that are not mow friendly. The new beds filled up quickly with many long-time favorite plants. Extra plants and bulbs (mostly daffodils) got planted on both sides of a tree line path across from our house, that we are cleaning up. Someday it will either be a beautiful place to walk with naturalized plants, or not. Only time will tell. 

I also plunked some bulbs in other key areas on our land and shared plants with neighbors & family. We will eventually do more of the same when remaining garden beds and pond get dismantled, in the backyard of our old house. It is time consuming, so we are done for this growing season.

I did research on deer resistant plants that grow in our new to me sandy loam soil (I have always grown in clay soil) and observed what bloomed in the general area. So far gardening is much easier here, especially with easier care perennials. I truly think (er' hope) most of my transplants will make it. With a tender back, it took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to replant my ridiculously excessive plant supply. I did a little at a time, most days. The beauty of naturalizing is it is one time and then the plants are on their own. They either make it or they don't. 

I've always wondered why perennials cost so much, when they multiply like rabbits. Now I know, the plant cost is in the labor. 

Leo in his garden bed

The raised veggie bed Brad built last year passed the test and produced plenty of veggies, so he built the additional five as planned. This time he filled the bottom half with our sandy soil and hauled in good compost soil for the top half. He also MacGyvered a sprinkler, which makes watering a whole lot easier. The surrounding ground remains on the to-do landscape list, but the veggie plants are flourishing! Soooo much easier and inviting to take care of without all the bending. 

One is a strawberry bed, another for cucumbers, one has beans with a few kohlrabi for Brad, we are growing carrots and leeks in another, and one bed each lower to the ground for peppers and tomatoes. 

and then there were six

Back in the day when bluebird numbers were declining I attended a worksop to learn how to help them out, and received plans for building a nesting house. Although I had high hopes, with three active kids building and maintaining nesting boxes got put on hold. Until this year. Brad built not one but two bluebird houses for Mothers Day, one from him and one from Tank (our dog). It was late in the nesting season, but we put them up anyways.

Two days after we mounted them at the bottom of our property, a pair of bluebirds showed up. Instead of using the boxes, they nested on our house beams. Brad said I forgot to give them directions to their new home, sigh. The male thwapped at our windows all day long. For weeks he would fly from the front of the house to the back, and sit on my hummer feeder daily, just staring at me for long periods of time...it was nothing short of weird!! I looked into the behavior and what we could do to stop him. I was afraid he was going to get hurt thwapping at the windows. Nothing seemed to help, but time. Thank goodness that crazy bird finally stopped. An example of "be careful what you wish for" ha ha!! After the current bird renters move out, hopefully next season the blue birds will find directions to the nest boxes built just for them - far far away from our windows!

window view

someone was watching me, constantly

So much more has happened since my last type. Mostly maintenance, as well as field work, tree-line work and Brad's endless planting, watering and maintaining of yard grass. Section by section, he is covering up the sandy loam that surrounds our house. It sure helps with tracking sand in the house.

Gardening and tending to our land has been such a welcome respite in the midst of the pandemic madness. Some of the perennial transplants are already blooming, and that makes my heart happy. 

long time no see, sunset at home
May 2020